Let's face it. When some people hear tragic news, they don't know how to react. When my beloved dog died when I was 15, my brother's best friend laughed. When my brother got into some legal trouble, a friend responded to the news by saying " Wow, he may go to jail." I know they didn't react this way because they didn't care. They just didn't know what to say.

The patent response upon hearing bad news is usually, "I'm sorry to hear that." You may even receive the, "I don't know what to say." And the tried and true, "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

But, could you imagine being diagnosed with breast cancer and hearing someone responded with, "Oh, that's no big deal, I've known a lot of women who've been through it, and you'll be fine." Or "Sorry to hear it's the big C."

According to an article on MSNBC, those are actual response someone received when informing a family member that her cancer diagnosis.

Many similar bone-headed and hurtful comments are uttered by well-meaning people who actually believe they are being helpful or attentive.

A survey just released by Aflac that polled 900 unpaid caregivers found that generic offers of help, such as "Let me know if you need anything," were among the least desirable things to say to patients with a serious illness. Specific offers of assistance were the most welcome, explained Kane, who spearheaded the poll before she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

"What a breast cancer patient doesn't need is more ambiguity and having to figure out what the limits of your offer are," says Dr. John Wynn, a psychiatrist at the Swedish Cancer Institute at Swedish Medical Center in Seattle. "You want to offer a specific package."

Offering to bring some meals by, for instance, is not helpful, he says. Better to say, "Would it be helpful if next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I brought dinner for four?" Give the other person the specifics and then let them say yes or no, and always allow them to have that control, says Wynn.